The next couple of years I was wondering what to get next. Somehow I knew that I was getting to a conclusion and that 2009 would very probably be the year that I would get my second tattoo. Sometime in 2007 or 2008 I realised that a lizard, more specifically a Gecko, would be part of it. This animal represents the far journeys I make. Initially I visioned it holding the world, but somehow this just did not feel 100% complete. There had to be something more ...

At the same time I was thinking about getting another Buddhist symbol or at least something linked to a Buddhist philosophy as a second tattoo. I considered the Dharma Wheel (which symbolizes the Eightfold Path), but then again I didn't want to get too many symbols on me. Also, the Dharma Wheel is mainly used in Tibetan Buddhism and although I'm deeply fascinated by this form of Buddhism it's not my preferred school of practice. What's more, I already had my wristband to symbolize the Eightfold Path.

It was in May 2009 - after certain events that involved a lot of soul searching - that I started researching facts about the Gecko again on the Internet. And than finally all the pieces of the puzzle came together. I envisioned something that symbolized a lot of my psyche, my life and past and incorporated various Buddhist philosophies like Dukkha (suffering), Anicca (impermanence) and letting go.

During a lifetime one comes across many things, people and places that one takes into his heart. We love them. In some cases we burn for them with desire. Often, this burning is mutual, which can result in the most wonderful relationships. But also, this burning is sometimes not meant to last, for whatever reason. Relationships end ... they are impermanent. And there's only one thing to do and that's letting go. Whether it's after many, many years or only a few encounters. If you don't learn to let go the burning fire will destroy you.

Now, imagine a Gecko clutching a burning heart. His tail has caught fire but he's still strongly grasping at the heart ...
A Gecko, also symbolizing myself as a traveller, has the ability to drop his tail when in danger. He thereby sacrifices part of himself to be able to live. To move on. It will initially hurt, but slowly and surely he will grow another tail. He will heal. He will be ready for a new encounter and will be able to wrap his tail around a new heart. Until this heart will burn him again. When his tail catches fire in this burning, in this desire or pain, he has a choice. He can once again drop his tail, let go and start healing. Or he can grasp, hold on until he eventually gets burned completely. There's only one sensible choice.

This combination is my briefing to the tattoo shop, together with some instructions that have more to do with esthetic preferences and styles. The result will be a burning heart with a lizard clutching at it. His tail has caught fire and he knows that he has to drop it and let go. This is an often recurring process in my life. Foremost, the heart is both my heart and the heart of the women I loved. The fire is our fire but also the all consuming fire of grasping. Sometimes the fire has burned long and slowly died. Sometimes it has blazed fiercely but needed to be quenched carefully because it simply was not meant to be. Sometimes it ignited unexpectedly but has not found enough fuel to continue burning. This heart and fire are me, A., L., J. and M.

Secondly, the heart represents a few women I've loved but for various reasons I could not light the fire for. This is for A., E., P., A., C. and L. They are all in my heart. Sometimes things are not meant to be or can't be. This is also a form of acceptance and letting go.

Thirdly, the heart represents those who I have loved and lost as friends or relatives. The lizard had to let them go as well. This heart is for Amber and Herman. It is also for all other close family that is dear to the lizard, even if he might not always show it.

And finally, the heart is for all my dearest friends who are part of my life. Whether it's drinking buddies, fellow music lovers and travellers, like-minded colleagues or other kinds of soulmates. The Gecko holds you in his heart as well.

The cycle will repeat itself. The Gecko will eventually always find a new heart, new friends and lovers. Sometimes the heart will burn brightly. Sometimes his tail will catch fire again and he'll eventually realize that he has to drop it and let go. But he will find comfort in the heart of friends and will wrap his paws and swing his tail around another new heart. Maybe one day the lizard will hold a brightly glowing heart that will not burn him.

I am the lizard, I am the heart, I am the fire.